Quiet thoughts.

I wanted to write about how I really appreciated my life now.

I wanted to write that it's been all I wanted,

all I wished for.

Time alone,

a great boyfriend,

work I enjoy,

friends I can rely on,

a specially close one by me.

But somehow reading her blog disturbed me.

I wonder what she've always thought of me.

Whether she takes me as a close friend as much as i treasure her presence in my life.

She could have been someone I totally don't know.

I mean, I wonder if she's what i think she is,

why does she bother to mingle with people like me?

I think....

the image I portray is pretty...

Prim and proper, good girl never gone wrong.

Am i a oddball in school?

I really don't want to go back to square one where I realised I'm without a close friend once again.

I'm not not having faith in her,

it's just that I can't help but wonder.

I always thought

I don't know why,

but I'm caught in a very complicated web of emotions right now.

I realise those who stays in my life are those who bothers to keep in touch,

I'm the guilty one,

caught up with my own life,

forever running,

forever blinded.

I read somewhere before that if one is a good girl all her life,

there could be a point where she just breaks and change.

This thought have been hanging on my mind,

would there be a point in life where I would become completely different from what I am now?

What would be the driving force of that then?

Things have changed so much.

I have changed quite a lot too.

Positively, I think.

I'm glad for the change,

but,

I wonder if i'm unconciously supressing anything.