about human behavior

It had been an experience that aged me, ten years in five days. I did not just experienced frustration, but disappointment and an inevitable feeling that all these could have been so much better. If there was any good that came out of this camp, it was the fact that it brought me a huge amount of knowledge. I learnt a great deal about people.

I realised that sometimes people are not to blame when things go wrong, but a certain intangible thing called "communication." Sometimes we fault as humans because we failed to communicate, or when things are down, we communicate with a different tone, a different intention.

There are just so much to express, but hard to find the words for it. The GLs of the camp, I felt, were the most neglected, mistreated menial laborers that certainly deserved better. The orientation failed, apart from the messy planning and the absence of team spirit, but because the committee treated the most important people with the least respect and least recognition. Throughout the camp, from the right beginning to the end, there wasn't an acknowledgment of our presence, much less gratitude expressed for our effort. Without GLs, the programme may the most fantastic games ever created, how would the freshies navigate?

But I've realised, that people have different responses, even within this group of people called the GLs. Some were more absorbed in the mistreated feeling, people like me and stephanie. Upset about the last minute changes, immune to yet another stupid decision made by the main committee. While others, maintain and stress that all should be for the best interest of the freshies. There are some that honestly deserve my respect and admiration, that throughout the camp, despite being mistreated, misunderstood, stood selflessly in their stand that we should always appear as one and provide the best for the freshies. I could never have a heart as big as theirs.

I couldn't help but compare how FOC and DOC differ. But one indefinite observation was that you treat the base of the committee well, you get the best out of the camp. GLs in FOC were never menial laborers, or transparent figures, they are the life of the camp. But DOC, no one gives a shit about us. First they removed a head, than they kept changing the figure, I simply can't understand the stupidity of the committee.

Sometimes when you expect too much of people, you break down when it fails to run as smoothly as you expected it to be. You gave your best, but the sense of betrayal is too tremendous. We lost the MOST SPIRITED SCHOOL to IT, the first in history. Watching the freshies respond and cheer is almost as interesting as watching an ant crawl. My heart could have bust into a million pieces at that moment, it was as if a battle lost. I honestly gave all that I can.

I guess the reason why it mattered so much to me was because I constantly felt trapped. You want to bring the best out of the people, but you have no authority to. Trapped in wanting to change, yet your voice heard but not listened. Have you ever felt that before?

It is all a show, a facade. Seeing clarence cry that last day, I wanted to laugh and walk away from this whole bullshit. Are they simply for real? Throughout the camp, I see programmers sleeping in their rooms during the day, the chairman walking around talking into that small black box, contrasting the genuine ostentatious effort the GLs put in, screaming themselves hoarse and scrambling around. I'm tired. I still am.

Some committee members however just enjoys being a bitch. Screaming, shouting, fights with claws all out. I never ever want to get myself involved ever again. I promise here I won't, until I find a committee, a movement with a common goal, a common vision, who treats every individual with RESPECT.

I really learnt alot.