of the big big world

when the bout of insecurities hit, sometimes even ordinary people make extradionary difference.
i should really find what i want to really achieve in this life,
for the route i've chosen so far have already betrayed me in going for just the rice bowl.
i pretty know for sure, i am not in this field wanting to be able to just put food on the table.

things can't change and at times, it takes your mentality to change before you can accept the way things are.

just a few things i'd like to jot down to jog my memory some day, nic's words:

1. breakthrough only happens to those who dare to venture, for those who follow the tide becomes only good employees.

2. he was almost so sure I'd chose the photography major, and the subtle shock in his response to my doubts jerked me. it made me wonder why i'm so doubtful about these stuff, when perhaps it appears so obvious to some.

3. that creators of projects are those who are in the same position with you. same brief, different end result. and hence, the worst criticism you could get are those from school. take it with a pinch of salt. It would have done you better to ask the man on the street, the consumer of your product.

4. it is always therefore important to participate in compeitions for they give you an idea of where you stand. thru it he gained confidence and belief to continue pursuing his passion, something good grades can really never give. (just today, i had my doubts of all these trouble i go through, only to face dispair.)

5. if you're ever worried about the competitions you'll face, of the one person you'll feel inferior of, you'll never be contended in life. for each is different, along with the subjective nature of design, there will never be the "best" in the field. you have to focus on the end result of what you hope to achieve, and should money be the goal, you'll basically never get contended in life!

6. for each end result aspired, comes along a different set of values. the motivation one gets from hoping to change the world compared to another who hopes to change his world, derives differently.

7. basically, rebel. because we're in Design, and designers need "unconventionality" to succeed. just walk the different way others choose to take.

and hence, i got serious qualms about me needing the approval of lecturers, of the guarantee good grades gives me. could one ever be a good student and still become osentiously successful in future? it's gonna take a shit loads of me to learn to change the way i am brought up to be, to accept what i've observed and learnt so far in this complex field.

i am really scared.