All by myself

Living by myself has taught me a lot of things about myself.
That, though I kept proclaiming I cant cook in Singapore, I do cook well. No burnt food/ no overly salted/ nothing bad at all thus far.
That, perhaps by insisting I can't cook, I try to attain the "atas" association, that i am too high and mighty to spend time cooking.
That, soon after I learn to walk, I start to run.
It used to be just fried pork with plain rice, now its grilled pork fried with tomatoes and mushrooms with buttered rice. You get my drift?
Cooking really does involves your creative side!

That, I really like to cook with mushrooms, button white mushrooms.
That, baby carrots are really easy, fast and great addition to almost everything.
That, despite everything, meat cannot be thawed at room temperature and information everywhere recommends defrosting by microwave.
That, I bother to cook every single dinner and not be lazy to just skip dinner, or cook extra for tomorrow because I really like fresh hot food.

That, when left alone, I pretty much have the discipline to get up on time, clean up the house.
Only that, I really don't see the point of packing my bed cause its going to be messed up again.
That, I really like silence.
That, I really like to hear my thoughts.
That, I embrace that I am a thinker, no more agonizing why I think so much.
That, I am backsliding because I am returning to my independence, everything-is-achievable-via-ability mentality.

That, I can live with spiders.
That, I really cannot tolerate moths/ stupid creatures attracted to light.
That, the possibility of rats really freaked me out. (Tell me what else chew on plastic to get to rice grains? Dropped the bag once, but it can't explain for 3 IRREGULAR holes on the sides right! I am so going to ask my landlord about this.) Urghs. I am so freaking out just talking about this. Shit.

Here in a foreign land, being new, being Asian and being alone has allowed me to be myself. My true self, without the need of pretense or behaving around people I know. And my true self is Serious, nothing cutesy (when with boyfriend) and really another side of craziness shines when something excites/delights me. Like finding out Audrey Hepburn Treasures is translated to English or talking about heavenly yummy food.

I seem to be pretty adventurous, a streak of daring nature tinged with a lil' flirtatious quality, like what I used to think I am, a long time ago. Being away shouts to me that I can choose not to be "boring", if I hear what I say to myself, I am not. (Like knowing it is private property and still climbed out that creaky tree-house that overlooks the breathtaking view, and then profusely apologise and politely claim I wasn't aware when found out.) That there are a lot of things I really want to do, and will do here when I don't have to answer to people. (Ahem, there's a nude beach in New Jersey!) Wearing glaring red lipstick because I always wanted to.

I came to realise, that I am not afraid of people, I like conversing, in fact, and I dare to. Only that being in a city robs that friendliness out of responding citizens, which is why I behave thus in Singapore. Its true, being in Manhattan showed me the difference. Here in Woodstock, I look at nice friendly people in the eye and shout good mornings across the street. Being foreign and Asian gives me the confidence, knowing that in whichever way people look at me, its "exotic". They can't tell what's pretty/expectations of being attractive in an Asian perspective, in whichever way you dress, you still look like any other Asian. Which probably explains why even in my pony-tailed, spectacles, slippers clad outfit, fresh face cleaned of any traces of makeup, I met those fellows.

I can be alone, you know.
And that scares me because I no longer depend on you.