i have been meaning to blog but have been extremely lazy to do so.
its the holidays now, and yet nothing on my to-do list is even inching to be done.
.
.
.
i have been force-feeding myself with a lot of materials to be inspired for FYP. *(Final Yr Project)
readings, movies, and classics.
and digesting all that, realised what similiar innate qualities, characteristics, that all great important men possess: the desire and absolute belief that everything and anything was for them to own.

they all had a ferocious appetite for success, all "unbound by rules."
an enthusiastic fiery, preposterous energy, pulsating through everything they did.
They were all greedy, arrogant, ambitious and brilliant in their many ways,
and all that made them GREAT.

I realised amongst everything, that my pretty strait laced life have to be changed somehow, to achieve the quality of being unbound by rules. I often say, that we Singaporeans are engineered to constantly achieve a certain fixed milestones--- your PSLE, your O Levels... And these sort of engineering, created people who follow routes all through their lives. Who becomes consumed by the realities of everyday lives; to work first, enough to pay the first installment of your HDB. Often at 19, we are already regarded "too old" to change ambitions, to change dreams, to stop doing what you are pursuing academically just because you already "in" it. Tell me, that I dream of the grass greener on the other side, but I'd still say anyway, the West works differently from us. 19 is only the beginning of your life.

And so, with plenty of daydreaming and hard knocks, I thirst for an opportunity to change my life. In which, I start to see how rushing straight into further varsity education would perhaps not stretch me to my maximum, nor would I have enough life experience to create masterpieces, to breathe character into my works. Perhaps it would be again, too premature a choice to dive straight in. The person I would become upon the reception of my Bachelor certificate, would be one still too "purposeful".

I want a period of my life being aimless, clueless. With twenty in my pocket, and finding a job being a waitress somewhere in a small town in Europe. To travel without a plan, to work till we have enough to get to the next city. To do odd jobs, to meet new people, to explore life and being alive. To not know, how when what, just do. Eat on bread if we need to, sleep in backpackers inns all over the nation. Photograph leisurely, when money runs low, sell street polaroid transfers portraits. To just be, a nonchalant, thirsty girl who would absorb all these to nurture something greater, something useful in life later. Like how Orson Wells headed to NY when he was 20, to revolutionized theatre. Something almost every westerner experience at some point of their life, but totally unheard of here in Singapore. I want all these, and I've got the perfect companion for this adventure of my life.

I had a plan, and now the plan's being tweaked, moulded slowly but steadily, beautifully and constantly.