the words silence spoke to me.

(this was typed out yesterday, but my sever failed on me)

being in church does wonders to your state of mind.

sometimes it makes you think and reflect,
sometimes it gives you solid "stoning" times,
while other times, it just basically makes you sleep.

during Stations of The Cross today,
the words i repeated after what was flashed on screen,
induced thoughts and brought tears of shame.

perhaps faith sometimes,
isnt entirely about believing in God, or never doubting the words of the bible.
it stretches beyond that,
in having faith in people,
in loving yourself, your environment, your world.

It is about qualities you have to offer,
traits you ought to breed while believing in what your faith speaks of.
By being generous, by loving people, by giving benefit of the doubt.

And perhaps, one shouldnt be so absorbed in questioning the authenticity,
but instead, value and appreciate the beauty of the great faith the masses of people are able to harbour.
Stop asking why,
but start stroking the question,
and listen with your senses.

I'm always praying for the divine "enlightenment", for Him to show me the light.
Yet I know I have not been proactive in "seeing the signs", or intepreting and remembering Him.

In church today, I thought about Clarence, our chairman.
about the unkindness I have so witnessed, the unjust I have felt.
In the words I have repeated, I found myself acknowledging that I have lost myself to the world around me.
In being too absorbed with what's going on, what's the latest event, in whose gossips.
I lost myself, a true mind focused on the well being of the soul,
believing in qualities and once pro actively abiding it.

Once, I put myself aside from the unjust I feel and believe in the benefit of the doubt I have to offer.
Now, I get too emotional and use the energy to counter what I feel was against me.

For all the unhappiness I faced during the meetings,
I am choosing to remember what I once used to practice.

in His time.