Closer

Just so it is, just like you said it would be.
Life goes easy on me, most of the time...

I want to live in the story a little longer.
I see a little of me in Alice/Jane Jones, and I can't stop wanting to BECOME her.

The movie couldn't possibly come at anymore appropriate phrase of my life.
The elements of a wandering, traveling carefree young girl, the romantic differences between a woman and a girl, the whole melodrama of love and cowardice, truth and lies, sex and love.

Did I say that I love you? Did I say that I love you too?

There was something uttered in description of Alice, in contrast to Juliet Robert's role: "You're a woman, she's a girl. She has the moronic beauty of youth but she's sly."

Moronic beauty of youth. In Alice's relationship with Jude Law, the eerie familiarities got me: the actions, the devotions, the wholesomeness of admiration. The underlying connection I shared: The dependency that comes with youth. "No one would love you as much as I do, I could love you forever." The simple wholesomeness, complete ardor, trust and belief in the lover. The carefree nonchalance to her actions, the fickle yet fiery stubbornness, her stance to transcend all that and walk away. It is just as it is, the familiarity so startling it got me feeling her, crying for her.

The movie also peeled my eyes to the obvious differences between having relationships with people in various stages of their life. I saw what was truly unique in Youth: in its vibrancy, its constant attempt to appear to be something else, an appearance. The tension, the liability, the dependency, the attitude, the buoyancy, the nonchalance, the want, the hunger, the energy, the challenge, the fight, the willfulness. In these traits, would lead to a relationship so draining yet mystifying, exciting and almost amusing.

"I amuse you but I bore you."

I thirst for her ability to snap sarcasm, to string words of depth so intriguing, to blatantly put truth across and speak her mind. The willfulness of a floating traveler, to lie as a safeguard, and to become your lie. To become someone so beautiful, so painfully beautiful, of whom you know you have no permanence over. She just slips away, decide her feelings to dissolve despite the swimming love, and then just slip away.

I could love you forever now, and yet fall out of love in the next minute. Ah, the whole allure of juvenescence. I am done with the whole tension of worryingly dealing with maturity and wanting to enjoy my youth. The whole motion of being in love, of words and actions, the whole film was real, was so accurately crafted in its every word. The whole film really essentially about nothing, it was just impermanent emotions between four strangers.

I see it clearly, it is closer to my heart now than ever.