Because I have limited access to internet and roaming charges apply:

"Yes, Mr Cho. I am here in London already."

Email me. I'd read it when I can.

Never love one who can't be the one loving more.

I don't really know what to make out of the whole affair.

Perhaps sometimes, you're going through the motions of doing things because simply, you don't remember how to function without the presence of it. You become dependent, because it is easiest to have them in place than to consciously make decisions alone. Its always comforting to have company, than to face the silence and loud thinking alone.

Yet somehow, its numbing. I don't seem to understand what I am going through; the consequences, the meaning. Its beyond words, of how comforting and yet upsetting the amour is always to me. There is always two extreme emotions I'm constantly feeling; loving belonging versus persistent angst. I can be shouting and crying and feeling like I can almost jump off the moving vehicle, and just seconds later the strong hand changed my swinging tandrum. Hating the decisions I constantly make yet swallowing my disagreement, for the sake of maintaining the belonging. Its almost as if I have to accept the inadequateness, whatever lack of it because I am supposed to be content with the little. And perhaps, because silent constant comparing makes the difference more gaping.

I have extremely alot of pride, that made me walk out aplenty of times. But to appease a bigger pride, I constantly bite on the embarrassment and turn around. It always happens. But this time, I wonder if I'd should return to one with a pride too huge to admit, or just one who doesn't love as much. As much as we're talking about limits, I don't know if I myself have walked the end of the road.

And like always, to replace a thing that sucks up your time, you just have to find things to get you constantly moving. Because once there is a space of a second, you make a move that you never think it through. That only prolongs the constant throbbing white pain.

I don't know what to make out of the Leaving. The length of time; neither here nor there, seems almost permanent. I'm so preoccupied riding the emotions of leaving that I can't concentrate on living the going.

Michael's Bday

Some time ago, we had an amazing dinner and even more brilliant desserts at P.S Cafe. 

(From Chinatown, I got lost for an hour finding freakin' duxton hill.) Look at our old expired polariods that stinks of vintagey orange tinge. Heh. 

The rest-of-europe bag.

I've been kinda packing, throwing in things whenever I remember I needed something.

There are essentially, two different wardrobes that I'm bringing; one suitcase for the month in London (musicals, grocery shoppings, street hunting, queen-spotting) and the other for the rugged rest-of-europe tour. Amazingly, and almost brilliantly, I'm proud to say I've pretty much placed everything I need and it hadn't even filled up even half the luggage bag yet!

1. 5 Tees ziplocked
2. 2 Shorts
3. 1 Mango Dark Pants
4. 1 Dress
5. 1 Beach Dress
6. 1 Stocking
7. Bikini
8. Susan Sontag Book of Essays
9. The sanitary essentials
10. Of course, the passport.

WOLA! On the other side of the bag lies 1 Naf Naf soft thick rain jacket (that Andrea gave me) and my everyday knitted cardigan. I have the girl-guide-days to thank for this amazing limited choice of clothes I'm planning. Just the shoes to throw in! Yay!

the day i am free to do the thousand things on my list;
i am down with some kind of funny illness.

my stomach feels like its all squashed up and slipping down.
the only comfortable feeling is when i'm lying sideways and cramping up.

:(

He said bangs would give me attitude; and so I went for it.

i got bangs to go with my black hair.
an impulse cut over lunch hour. heh.
.
.
.
suddenly its really coming;
the going, the plans and the leaving.
shopping around for the necessities makes reality a lot more painfully conspicuous.
.
.
.
Dealing with,
the event at iShop had a lot of me thinking.
I realised the kind of person I am;
somewhat incapable,
extremely stubborn,
way too much pride for my own good,
and am indeed one who bites the hand who feeds me.
.
I guess you tend to take things for granted, take people for granted once you're too used to having them around.
And when they are nice to you,
the Nice becomes expected, a duty instead of a bonus.
I never thought that was how you thought of me to be,
and when I realised,
my whole world changed.
.
There's so much going on right now that I am unsure of how the road will take me.
I'm departing with so much despair, and confusion.
And uncertainty of how things will work out.
Of what the future holds really.

I really like how things are right now.
I wished I could pause the world from spinning,
for just a while more really.
And live in this a little while more.
.
.
.
When Weekhim asked me if I still was " as interested in Photography as EVER"
it was kinda like a sad little question that hung in the air for a long long time.

Like as if, photography can be expected to be a frivolous, happening hobby you pick up along the way, and dump it once you lose interest in it. Like its almost expected, things like that happen in the photography business.

Or maybe, it was me just thinking too much.

How do I go from here?

We decided to give ourselves a big huge birthday present

So I was over at Andrea's from Wednesday; booking flights, sorting out the transfers/connections between cities and little hostels among the way. Couchsurfing couchsurfers and creating spreadsheets. Alas, Where would we be without the amazing capability of the vast big web!

Ironically, the only part of our trip that has been all paid for, all planned for, and all anticipated; is our short getaway from the long getaway.

Are you ready for it?
.
.
.

Hello IBIZA!

The World's Biggest Club! OMG!

.
.
.

And woo lala, hello beautiful people!

Makes all the clubbing nights I missed all well well worth it.
Eat your hearts out, man.

30 more days

yesterday 

i happily splurged on a new light meter, a pristine 50mm prime, and a lime green four wheels luggage.

today 

i bought my mummy, the gift of the-first-pay's. A whopping $600 plus plus plus. 

.

.

.

having money feels so good.

A Quickie- Yay!

Culturepush spots me.

The faint smell of a sweet linger

She touched the phone for the millionth time, wondering if she had missed a call from him. Or perhaps a messages slipped in without ringing. And for the millionth time, a wave of sadness swept her. There was nothing for her to hope for.

She hesitated, again for the millionth time. The action of dialing a preset number was too easy. In her confusion,her lingering hesitation, she needed more than a simplified step. Again, she scrolled through the long chunk of messages, the bulk of green bubbles suggested a one-sided affair, till she reached the top of the history, and there it was, a plain 'Call'.

It was a simple decision yet made complicated over and over again. At times, periodically at several times in a day, she would make a calculated foolish decision to dispose her pride and let her fingers do the thinking.

And, like any foolish decision, nothing good ever came out of it. She never get to hear the voice she longed for, only the sinking realisation of how desperate she is, each time he deliberately cancelled her desperate pleas.

goodbye world.

It feels so surreal, almost unbelievable that it is actually happening.
.
.
.
Before I forget.
Happy Birthday dearest fei.

its been a gazillion years since I last blog, and I wonder how many faithful readers are still watching the space, but nonetheless, I'd diligently fill up this space today.

There are everyday observations, everyday's little events that has been on my mind, a little urge to blog about it but yet there is always seeingly no time, no bothered effort to type the fleeting thoughts down. These days, everything is a blur, alot less productive, less clearsighted. They say love is blind, and I dont think they were in reference to your choice partner, your life becomes a misty fog in which one's every waking moment is distracted by the thought of ur partner.

Somehow within the last couple of months, i feel like I have aged. The ambitions for the future seems to have halted in its steps, standing extremely still as I ran about in daily motions; like a hamster running in its caged freewheeling wheel. The continuous running action yet it doesn't get one anywhere. I gather the lack of processing my intangible thoughts into tangible words, probably contribute to this entirely smoky haze period. I see my current self and point of life, as a very long pause, like a writer staring at the blinking flashing dash after the comma he added, deciding perhaps, the development of his character.

Brb. The phone battery is running low and I dont think its a good idea to prolong this session.

Thirteen at 2902 gallery at Old School

My first ever group show's opening. I'd be giving a presentation later at 430, so those who just see this and am interested, sprint here to Mount Sophia.

*Picture 3- The reverend curator and well loved lecturer: CCY

*Picture 4- My dear dear lovable, supportive friends.

*Picture 5- My ever first buyer: Ngiap Heng and his amazing decision that left me in great faithand immense disbelief.

I never hit such a low point where I just couldn't stop pouring.
I am desperate for the sunshine after the rain.

For aplenty, I know I need to flee.

sometimes when the world seems too crazy to live in,

hold all the thoughts,
pause
and sleep in your lover's arms.

I won't be around, but you still have to check it out.

MADD MARKET PRESENTS P.NUTS// 5TH-6TH MARCH


So cute right! Video, much thanks to Hongwen.

5-6th April

Even for the very barest of cost.

Working Holidaymakers Visa Fees $580
EU Short Stay Schengen Visa Fees $125
Airticket to London $990 onwards
Eurail Youth 10 day (2Months) Pass $834.60
ISIS Student Card Application $15


When factual figures are staring at you right in the face, reality takes a stab at dreams.

One last one from the 29th!

Some Awesome Mambo Madness!