just ignore me.

Were we happier before?
Or is it really just a passing phrase,
something each relationship has.
A sweet first few months,
then everything just seem to go downhill.
I know I'm definately not going to throw in the towel.
"Dump him, make him understand what needs to be treasured when it is around."
No, I simply can't do that, Jon.
I know what I want to work out this relationship.
And I know we have to get through it together.
Yet I don't want to give him more stress.
Stress of having a girlfriend.
Am i demanding?
Do I seem to take up more time than any other commitment in his life?
I only think i can do with a little more tinny winny attentiveness.
Knowing I'm out with your friends when I mentioned it more than once.
Knowing that sometimes,
when I say there's don't need to call, I actually really in need to desperately hear your voice.
Knowing that your solution to a problem may not neccessary apply to me.
Do you know what's going on in my life?
Every night I have a long list to blah to you about.
Yet each night,
after your work,
your scouts,
your commitments to every other thing,
I don't feel like you have the energy nor time to hear me anymore.
So I hang up without saying my piece,
now I don't know if you're aware of my emotions.
I haven't seen you all week.
And I don't know if I'm meeting you tonight.
No message from you,
no confirmation.
I miss you so much.
I've been crying alot,
alot lately.
My eyes are swollen now,
I don't know if I still want to head down to CCN day.
Do you even know what's that?
Or that I've been looking forward to it all week?
I'll probably mask some makeup.
Yea, hide my true self if you insist that's what makeup does.
I love you.
That's why I don't want to take up so much of your limited time,
don't want to be troubling you all the time.
But now, I don't know if I can live with it.


Thank you Jonathan,
for hearing me cry and wail last night.
I think you're cursed,
only hearing from this useless friend each time tears flow.


I'm tired of being the good girl.
The stable one you know you can call each time you don't know what's in for homework.
I'm tired of being so organised,
for just completing my work all the time.
School, work, boyfriend, friends, home.
I think those residents in Monkey's Kingdom are happier than me.
Why can't I just be like a normal teenager?
Is my breaking point near?


I saw this in the papers today,
pretty relevant,
"TEARS ARE A NATURAL ANTIBOTIC, I'M A SIMLEY PERSON, BUT I ENJOY MY CRYING"

Signing off.