hues of blues.

am feeling really random, and lost on the cyberspace so i felt like writing.

alot of mixed feelings going on endlessly.
a major part of me is distressed about my internship prospects,
extremely lost and yet unable to get my act together.

school just feel... useless.
its been quite some time since I feel so disgusted at the work I produced.
It felt like yr one random shit I used to churn,
and I know deep down its really not my best.
At least I have not attempted all other ways to learn,
It just haven't felt like that for a long time.
Being so unsure and so yuck about the submission.
It's like, omg, this fellow just used blending/layers/clipping mask,
and I swear that's just about it!
Sure, I was blessed enough to complete what I thought I couldn't.
I wish I have that amt of faith I put in completing the task,
in believeing I could do so much more with these hands of mine.

Each time I flipped the papers and stare at schools' advertising,
DO YOU KNOW NOW NYP HAS VISUAL COMM TOO?!
Oh gee,
I just get more perturbed.

I know its natural that every artist/designer/photographer always feels that it is not his best work,
and always the need to do and learn more,
but how come I don't have that self confidence anymore?
I stare at the flickering tv displaying the glitzy VS collection,
that tremendous amount of work put to showcase such fabricated elaborated closet,
it wasn't just about the clothes (or the lack of clothes),
It was about the brand, the show, the display, the expectations, the explosion, the models, the spectacular visuals.
I thought to myself, that's where I wanna be.
That very high up there Fashion Industry.

And I have alot to work with.
Myself in sum,
I need to really find that arrogance, that confidence I used to possess.